Letter to Govind Sharan Venugopal - 3

Dear Kunjunni, 

If only I knew the things that I know now. 

You were my first child, and to be perfectly honest, I had no idea what I was doing. I had to learn it all with you. After all, you are the reason I became a father. And for that I am so grateful.

You were so small yet you taught me so much about being a father. I’m sorry that you were at the center of all of my trials and errors. I wanted so much to get it right. I think my expectations of you when you were that small were unrealistic. I spent so much time worrying that you weren’t getting enough sleep and that maybe you weren’t developing properly because of something I was doing wrong that, often, I didn’t allow myself to just enjoy the the simplicity of you as a baby. You were our first. Never again will I get the chance to do that over. I’m sorry for that.

I wish I had spent less time focusing on the things you weren’t doing and more time on what you were doing. You grew so fast. One minute I was rocking you to sleep in my arms, and then I blinked and you were off to preschool. Where did the time go?

I think what I’m sad for, most of all, is that you weren’t able to understand. The road was paved with good intentions. My head and my heart were always in the right place. I only wanted the best for you and still do. I probably hovered a bit too much and pored over the smallest fall or scrape. But I wanted to keep you healthy and safe so you could grow up to be healthy and strong.

I still have one regret, that is I couldn't hear your voice when you started talking. I don't think I will ever get over it. I would trade my everything even now to hear your voice. 

Sometimes, I wish I could go back and do it all again. I want to go back and cherish those moments. The moments I lost, stressing and worrying. The moments I spent crying because you werent there with me. The moments I felt like I was failing because I was so unsure of the future. What I know now is, all of that time I spent worrying, stressing and crying was in vain.

Despite myself, you turned out to be an amazing child, more than I could have ever imagined. And as I sit here and think about holding you in my arms, I close my eyes as if I’m trying to mentally visualize this moment and try to live in this feeling forever. 

Just know that I love you so, so much. That will never change. You will always be my first child, my first little love, and nothing will take that away. I am so proud of the boy you are and can’t wait to see the man you become. You are going to be an incredible example for everyone, and I couldn’t be more proud.

The truth is, my sweet child, you will always be my first child. You will always be the one who teaches me how to be the best father that I can be. You will always be my first baby—always. That will never change. But we still have so many firsts ahead of us now. And no matter how many times I feel like I’m failing, I am able to just look at you and know that somehow, some way, I must be doing something right.

It was also from you that I learnt the importance of adapting to circumstances and not being afraid of the unknown.

While working hard for my career, my parents reciprocated in kind with their unconditional love and support for my career. Remember that relationships are important and have to be nurtured and cherished. Also keep in mind that a relationship is a two way street, so be ready to give a relationship just as you would expect the other person to be giving to you.

Remember that good times and bad times will be part of your life equally, and you have to learn to handle both with equanimity. Make the most of life’s opportunities and learn from every opportunity, and challenge that life brings along.

Will you miss our special time as a trio? I wonder, as I snuggle on your rug at night, I remember the times when you, your Mommy and me were under a blanket too small to cover us all. But you don't realize, pulling it up over us anyway, feet popping out, giggling all the while.

I miss you more than you can imagine, and ever since I moved out of the house, moments together have become so rare! But despite that, I think about you everyday, I think back upon our wonderful memories, our fits of laughter and cuddle times. We grow up, time goes by, but fortunately memories stay!

Eventually, our day draws to an end, the sun goes down and the world is quiet and dark. I sit in silence alone, and just like I've always done, I replay our moments together in my mind!

 Your loving Father, 

Sharan Venugopal Arikanniyoor

Letter to Govind Sharan Venugopal - 2

 All my life, I have tried being me, Probably I was wrong all the time, but things change. But I have chosen the tougher path. I am not good at a lot of things, but I went in search of things I am good at. 

And I was always successful at finding them.

I can tell you one thing Son, 

Being in the crowd is one thing, It's good, it feels good, but to stand out from the crowd,youi have to be the best at what you do.

And to be the best at what you do, you need to find what you are good at.

I am sure you wil run into a lot of confusions growing up, I need you to know about one thing for sure, you were born out of love.... It was not lust, it was not just about about feelings. We needed you.

When you were in your mom's womb, I still remember kissing you to good night every night. And I still think about u every day when I go to sleep and whenver I wake up. I have dreams about u waking up in my arms, but what to say, I need you to realize that I tried being with you, but time was against us. It just didnt happen. 

I am sure she was going through a lot to get you through. I was there with her in all the walks. I dont like to justify myself any longer, but Son, just know that you will be loved. 

I sincerely apologise to you for not being there for you, and I wish I could be there for you. Its all about people; you will come to know about it when you grow up. I am sure you will.

Letter to Govind Sharan Venugopal

Hey Champ,

I wonder whether you will see this page ever, but I've got to tell you that I think about you every day. There hasn't been a day where I didn't think about you and it went by. In fact I tried to reach you couple of days ago, I badly wanted to hear your voice, but people around you chose otherwise. Trust me that you are present in whatever I do and it kind of influences my each deed. I am a much better person because of you. Your grandmother knows that you are a foodie but she is a bit lost right now just so that she cannot feed you with the food you like.

Like you, I have also been a rebel through out my childhood. I have always wanted to go things my way, but it is not actually that way a lot of times,I need you to build good relations with whomsoever is around you. I want to say to you that I love you unconditionally and that will stay like that whatever you do. Your mom is a great person, and you have to understand that her whole life is based around you, dont hurt her ever, what-so-ever may happen. She kind of gets boring at times, but its not her fault, she has been brought up that way. Don't hurt her ever.

I wanted to talk to you about some things and I hope you will see this one day. 

You’ve brought joy to us in so many ways. Your spirit, your dedication, your integrity; all of that adds up to a future of great potential and great promise. The moment I see you , I know that you are a stuborn person, you are strong at heart, and you will not give up till you have what you want. 

I wanted to tell you a few things, few things I want to impart in black and white because I think they are incredibly important for you to remember.

People are basically good:  A leader’s strength, I think, is being able to find the goodness if it is hidden and bring it out to shine. I know that it is in your DNA, your father has been a leader, and that's what he has been doing. If you can do that even when it’s hard, you will find the best people have to offer. Try to find the good things in people, they might look bad from outside, but you look into their hearts, they are good people. Your grandfather is a born leader, but he won't gun it. You know! He has got all the logic in the world, but he wont convey his opinion unless asked for. He is someone I look up to, every day. He is definitely old, but he has got the heart of a tiger, took care of all of us, in the toughest of the toughest situations. And I dont think I will ever be as strong as him, as I am more like your grandmother. 

Don’t worry about what others think of you: “You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others. If you keep this agreement [to not take things personally], you can travel around the world with your heart completely open and no one can hurt you. You can say, “I love you,” without fear of being ridiculed or rejected. You can ask for what you need. You can say yes, or you can say no — whatever you choose — without guilt or self-judgment. You can choose to follow your heart always. Then you can be in the middle of hell and still experience peace and happiness. You can stay in your state of bliss, and hell will not affect you.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

Honor your word: You are your word — nothing more, nothing less. When you give your word, you must do so with an absolute commitment to keep it and with precision. When circumstances change such that you can no longer keep your word, you must honor your word. That means you must immediately notify the person to whom you gave your word and tell him or her that you can no longer keep it, and offer to do what it takes to clean up any mess that you have caused. This is hard. There are no shortcuts. No “maybe next time.” If you commit to doing this, though, you will be massively more effective in life.

In my line of work, I have seen good criminals and bad cops, evil preists, honorable thieves, you can be on one side of the line or the other, but if you give your commitment to somebody, you stick to your word.

Trust Your Instinct: Don't take people by the word. People do that all the time. Never judge people with a premonition having other's perception in mind. That is how you make new friends and new bonds. You never know what lies in future. So just ensure that you are open to all the people.
There are wolves and sheep in this world. You've got to figure out which one you've gotta be.

Be willing to be wrong:“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson. Read — all the time:“In my whole life, I have known no wise people (over a broad subject matter area) who didn’t read all the time — none, zero.” — Charlie Munger
Words are opinions, not facts, action is the only truth.

Books are the opening to new ways of seeing the world. I learned the love of reading by reading Marcus Aurelius' "Meditation". In that book I discovered what an autodidact is, and realized then that I would be a life-long learner. Never stop learning. Never stop reading.

Remember to be charitable in word and deed: The only time you should look down at someone is when you are extending a hand to help him or her up. You are young, strong and smart. You can change someone’s life with quiet support. Be someone’s hero. The world certainly needs more of those.

Keep yourself open to new things: But don’t be flippant about the fragility of life and limb. Take care of your body and test its limits. Take chances but don’t ever risk your health for a dare or a fool hearty adventure. People do exciting things all the time. When you want to do something outside of your experience base – go for it. But research it, find someone who KNOWS how to do it and then learn, practice and step forward with confidence. The best way to arm yourself for success is to gain knowledge.

Learn to listen deeply: “When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, ‘Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it’s like to be me.’” — Carl Rogers

This quote is from one of the most accomplished psychologists of the 20th century. It speaks to the power of truly listening, a skill that requires one to surrender his or her own agenda in service of the person being listened to. It requires an inner confidence — a deep knowing that, from a place of true listening, the “right” thing to say will always emerge. To master this takes a lot of practice. The reward is immeasurable.

Be responsible for your own actions, first and always: “Instead of bothering with how the whole world may live in the right manner, we should think how we ourselves may do so. If one lives in the right manner, we shall feel that others may do the same, or we shall discover a way of persuading them to do so by example.” — Mahatma Ghandi

This quote by Ghandi is often shortened to: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” We are wired to see what is wrong in others, and seldom look within to see what is wrong with ourselves. If you slow down and pay attention, you will see how the mind is full of judgment and how quickly we want others to be a certain way. This powerful orientation will rob you of any chance to live a truly fulfilling life. You must learn first to look within and find where the judgment is, you so quickly apply to others actually applies to you — sometimes more so. If you are truly responsible for yourself and change within yourself what you are so desperately trying to change in other people, others will be attracted to and compelled by you. You will never have to change anyone, and will cease to want to.

Always choose to be kind: “When we say something that nourishes us and uplifts the people around us, we are feeding love and compassion. When we speak and act in a way that causes tension and anger, we are nourishing violence and suffering.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

The famous Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, believes that any unkind word or thought can poison the world. Every moment you are confronted with the most basic of choices — to be kind or unkind. I have yet to come across a moment that would ever justify being unkind. 

Learn to forgive: “It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.” — Maya Angelou

This took me a long time to learn. I finally forgave your mother for what she did to us. I came to realize that there was no sense in holding on to grudges. Doing so robbed me of my power and it was inherently unkind. I can no longer find a reason to not forgive anyone ever again. In fact, the word forgive has lost its meaning for me in that it implies anger, hatred, or lack of love in the first place. I was not even born when someone attempted to assassinate Pope John Paul II. I learned thereafter that the Pope forgave the assailant completely. I couldn’t for the life of me understand how the Pope could do such a thing. I do now. 

Trust your judgment, have conviction, and when you learn something that causes you to change your mind, do so without reservation. There is no better way to build trust and credibility than to admit when you are wrong and be willing to change your mind. Most people spend most of their lives a slave to the need to be right. Being right is over-rated.


Live life to the fullest: “It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” Marcus Aurelius

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is perhaps the best book on how to live a full life. Packed full of wisdom, I chose this one quote because it captures what I believe to be the secret to life. Namely, to embrace the inevitability of death, the impermanence of our time here on Earth. And then to seize every opportunity to live and be grateful for every moment — the good ones and the not so good ones. As Marcus Aurelius wisely said, “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

As proud as I am for you, I am proud of myself, who I have become, I am proud that I stayed true to myself, because now, I can live as myself with respect from from others, And most importantly, I have pride and respect for myself.

I am full of love, gratitude, hope, joy, and pride as I think about this amazing life of yours. Enjoy every minute of it. I love you.

Signing off with lot of love
Sharan Venugopal Arikanniyoor